A school principal in New Jersey recently sent a letter to parents asking them to completely remove their children from any social networking sites and to keep close tabs on their text messaging habits. Anthony Orsini, the principal of Benjamin Franklin Middle School in Ridgewood, sent a long email to parents indicating that kids should be “not allowed to be a member of any social networking site.” Is the principal overstepping the line?
Orsini’s main concern about social networking is that it causes psychological damage to students who are being cyber-bullied. While rumors were once a thing that would cause problems for students in a small group, social networks ensure that harmful bullying is spread across the entire student base like wildfire. The school’s guidance counsellor brought this to the attention of the principal, noting that 75% of her day is spent on social networking issues.
Like any connected technology, social networking is a double-edged sword, and cyber-bullying is appearing to become more and more of an issue. The fact that children can now spread rumors, exaggerated photos and more with great secrecy and ease means that malicious children can coordinate pretty harsh pranks on more susceptible students. I’ve always felt that the web does even the odds a bit, as a bullied student should be able to either retaliate with rumors of their own, or easily prove the dirty deeds by saving a screenshot, or just find a different social network, but is that really a solution? The solution really lies in respect of others, and this is something that goes beyond social networks and lies with the children and their parents. The principal’s decision to ask students to completely disconnect from social networking, while admirable, is probably not going to be effective, but teacher-parent awareness about the perils of social networking is a good start.
Below is a copy of Orsini’s entire e-mail:
Dear BF Community,
In 2002 when I arrived in Ridgewood Facebook did not exist, Youtube did not exist, and MySpace was barely in existence. Formspring (one of the newest internet scourges, a site meant simply to post cruel things about people anonymously) wasn’t even in someone’s mind.
In 2010 social networking sites have now become commonplace, and technology use by students is beyond prevalent.
It is time for every single member of the BF Community to take a stand!
There is absolutely no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site!
Let me repeat that – there is absolutely, positively no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site! None.
5 of the last 8 parents who we have informed that their child was posting inappropriate things on Facebook said their child did not have an account. Every single one of the students had an account.
3 Students yesterday told a guidance counselor that their parents told them to close their accounts when the parents learned they had an account. All three students told their parents it was closed. All three students still had an account after telling their parents it was closed.
Most students are part of more than one social networking site.
Please do the following: sit down with your child (and they are just children still) and tell them that they are not allowed to be a member of any social networking site. Today!
Let them know that you will at some point every week be checking their text messages online! You have the ability to do this through your cell phone provider.
Let them know that you will be installing Parental Control Software so you can tell every place they have visited online, and everything they have instant messaged or written to a friend. Don’t install it behind their back, but install it!
Over 90% of all homework does not require the internet, or even a computer. Do not allow them to have a computer in their room, there is no need.
Know that they can text others even if their phone doesn’t have texting capability, either through the computer or through their Ipod touch.
Have a central “docking station” preferably in your bedroom, where all electronics in the home get charged each night, especially anything with a cell or wifi capability (Remember when you were in high school and you would sneak the phone into your bedroom at midnight to talk to you girlfriend or boyfriend all night – now imagine what they can do with the technology in their rooms).
If your son or daughter is attacked through one of these sites or through texting – immediately go to the police! Insist that they investigate every situation. Also, contact the site and report the attack to the site – they have an obligation to suspend accounts or they are liable for what is written.
We as a school can offer guidance and try to build up any student who has been injured by the social networking scourge, but please insist the authorities get involved.
For online gaming, do not allow them to have the interactive communication devices. If they want to play Call of Duty online with someone from Seattle, fine, they don’t need to talk to the person.
The threat to your son or daughter from online adult predators is insignificant compared to the damage that children at this age constantly and repeatedly do to one another through social networking sites or through text and picture messaging.
It is not hyperbole for me to write that the pain caused by social networking sites is beyond significant – it is psychologically detrimental and we will find out it will have significant long term effects, as well as all the horrible social effects it already creates.
I will be more than happy to take the blame off you as a parent if it is too difficult to have the students close their accounts, but it is time they all get closed and the texts always get checked.
I want to be clear, this email is not anti-technology, and we will continue to teach responsible technology practices to students. They are simply not psychologically ready for the damage that one mean person online can cause, and I don’t want any of our students to go through the unnecessary pain that too many of them have already experienced.
Some people advocate that the parents and the school should teach responsible social networking to students because these sites are part of the world in which we live.
I disagree, it is not worth the risk to your child to allow them the independence at this age to manage these sites on their own, not because they are not good kids or responsible, but because you cannot control the poor actions of anonymous others.
Learn as a family about cybersafety together at wiredsafety.org for your own knowledge. It is a great site. But then do everything I asked in this email – because there really is no reason a child needs to have one of these accounts.
Please take action in your on home today.
Sincerely,
Anthony Orsini
Principal, BFMS
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Oh dear… Being a teacher myself, all I can say is that it's about time that educators start to USE new media instead of HIDE from them. It's insane that educators are the ones being afraid of everything new – instead we should be in the front row welcoming it! Use Facebook for education. I do.
Comment by Jesper Isaksson — April 30, 2010 @ 9:07 am
I don't know what is more disturbing – that this school administrator feels they have the moral authority to reach into kids' homes and control how they are raised, or that this grammatical nightmare is the work of someone who probably has a master's degree and who is supposed to educate children about topics that include writing.
Comment by Nancy N. — April 30, 2010 @ 9:09 am
I can't even begin to describe how backwards this is. Asking parents to put their heads in the sand while their children go create Facebook accounts behind their backs is beyond stupid.
This principal needs to be educated.
Comment by cory huff — April 30, 2010 @ 11:30 am
OMW… parents please do not delete your kids accounts. If you do, they will recreate them and have them behind your back. your kids are smarter then you. Come along side your kids and work with them. Be there “Friend”. Use opendns to manage website access, but don’t block facebok… Let them chat with people around the world while playng CoD. But teach them right from wrong and have open dialog about the internet and the dangers of it. But please don’t put them in a bubble.
(if your child is under 13 they should not have a facebook account. make sure they know this. on their 13th birthday, make a big deal about it and start one with them… and know their password so you can keep them accountable)
Comment by Sam Cornwell — April 30, 2010 @ 1:03 pm
Give a man a fish vs. teach a man to fish. This is another exercise in over-control and probably a lot of administrative fear over what they don't know (probably don't know how to use the function as well as the kids!). Better to teach the kids the benefits of using social media than to ban the use. As we all learned in our youth and confirmed by our own kids: THEY'RE GONNA DO IT ANYWAY…so let's make implementation of social media a teaching moment. I have a lot of faith in young people; given the assignment in a positive manner, they will employ the tool of SM for good things! Can anyone say (or sing) FOOTLOOSE?!
Comment by eljay — April 30, 2010 @ 1:41 pm
Removing a method of attack will not prevent an attack.
People were bullied long before facebook. People were bullied long before school. While I agree that parents should know what their children are doing, but social sites aren’t the problem. The school might not even be the problem. (isn’t school just another social network?)
The parents are the problem. Don’t they know what is going on in their children’s lives? Don’t they have open communication with their children? Show me a parent who says they didn’t know, and I’ll show you a parent who was more concerned with their own lives or didn’t feel it was a problem. It isn’t just that they didn’t know, they didn’t care enough to know. They ignore their children. They use the TV, the internet AND School as babysitters. Kids with problems don’t walk around with signs on their chests and alarm bells going off. They keep their heads down and try to hide. Not just from the bullies, but from everyone, their parents included.
Raising healthy children is proactive, not reactive.
Comment by Mike — April 30, 2010 @ 2:27 pm
i think they should be teaching kids how to behave appropriately not banning it, they will find a way to get on there somehow even if it's by using an alias
Comment by adelaide dj — April 30, 2010 @ 5:50 pm
Wow. That's right, make kids rebel further. Don't try to understand their point of view. Just assume you're right because all this new scary technology is used by some people in bad ways. That's going to happen with anything.
I think some lessons are in order for the headteacher…
Comment by Scarlett de Courcier — May 1, 2010 @ 12:52 am
Banning kids from social media sites is not a solution. No extreme measures will work in such a situation. Its better to teach your kids how to be safe online and to stand up for their rights when it comes to bullies, online or off.
Comment by Priya Shah — May 1, 2010 @ 11:42 am
Please keep on making your kids use facebook. Force cyber bullying off the internet . Old fashioned in person bullying is where its at.
Did you try the site?
Comment by Fe Fille — May 1, 2010 @ 6:21 pm
I fully agree with the Sam & his (her?) point that the Under 13s ought not to have accounts anyway – and to then work with them to help them set one up (safely) on their 13th birthday.
There are social networking sites that you can join if you're under 13 (e.g. Club Penguin & no doubt others)- I'd be more inclined to get parents to investigate these & get kids to join them. (I've found a reasonably comprehensive list – http://www.socialmediamom.com/2008/02/february-ro... – though now slightly dated, so you'd have to check them out)
DOn't like the school dipping out of teaching responsibility online – surely it should be something that both school & home do. (To start with; what about parents who aren't knowledgeable … parents who don't have a computer at home etc)
Comment by Emma — May 3, 2010 @ 4:19 am
"The solution really lies in respect of others, and this is something that goes beyond social networks and lies with the children and their parents." Enough said.
It is NOT the school's job to parent these children. It is the school's job to TEACH them to be productive and ethical citizens – in a world that incorporates social media at an exponentially increasing rate. Schools should embrace social media and teach the kids how to behave morally and responsibly on sites like Facebook and Twitter. It is a continued avoidance of teaching such digital ethics IN school that breeds misuse of them outside of school.
Comment by ChargedUp — May 3, 2010 @ 5:15 am
Bullying is bullying, whether on or offline. If kids are banned from Facebook, they will find another way.
Comment by Maris — May 3, 2010 @ 6:33 am
omg how messed up is this. if you delete your child's account they will make a new account or use a account of someone they know deleting the account and blocking texting is not going to stop bullying. either watch them online or another way to watch them is to put remote software on their pc so u can log in to check on them without being near them. http://www.teamviewer.com
Comment by Patty Hoffman Minton — May 3, 2010 @ 1:39 pm
OMFG I can't believe a principal said that. We have developed social networking sites, technology and stuff to USE it, not to ban your children from using it. Having an account at social networking site isn't to be mistaken as a wrong thing itself. And trust me banning your children from these kind of stuffs would make the situation more worse IMO.
And about the 80-90% homework not needing the internet part : Life isn't all about going to school and doing homework and getting grades. What if the kid wants to make a windmill ? What if the kid wants to do something creative, which would need a lot of research. And the internet, being the largest source of information can help?
Do that and you'll be sucking out all the creative juices from your kid.
CONTROLLING your kid is not the solution. It is your child, not your criminal. So give the children all the freedom to make them feel grateful about getting to live life their own way.
You would rather be thinking about talking to your kids in a nice way about the causes and consequences, because you see, people love their lives, and they won't let their lives be ruined. So TALK TO THEM!! rather than taking the internet away from them, tracking their cellfones and stuffs. Nobody wants their freedom to be taken away.
PS the principal is a no-know dictator, no offence
peace
Comment by Sunny Ynnus — May 5, 2010 @ 8:32 am
Hmmmm, maybe your all right keep facebook, lets see just how inventive these kids can really get. How many ways are these kids trying to impress their peers through these sites? Where does it stop, taking pictures of someone getting smacked around and posting them for everyone to see is pretty disgusting, it's all about getting noticed and being a jock. There isn't enough policing! Oh yea sit down and spend a few hours with them each time they log in, ha what teen wants their parent looking over their shoulder? 16 years and over seems more appropriate and by the way there are loads more sites where kids can get safe information! Get your heads out of the sand, social networks are just that.
Comment by Shelley — July 29, 2010 @ 2:41 am
I absolutely believe that websites like facebook and myspace are COMPLETELEY UNECESSARY they are useles when it comes to kids. 11,12,13's on facebook, wow what has the world come to? This generation is the youtube generation but still, kids should be worried about school. Not adding friends on facebook. There are many,better things to do rather than spend your time on Facebook.
Comment by Marli C. — November 17, 2010 @ 6:07 pm
You are right. My friend just got a facebook, without even asking her parents, and sneaking it behind their backs. The next day, they found it, never really put a thought into it, and got away with having a facebook.
Comment by carla — November 30, 2010 @ 4:31 pm
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they can block all social networks but children will always find a way to bypass the restriction. A proxy software is just one of the solutions http://www.privacy-pro.com
Comment by anelly — February 25, 2011 @ 5:59 am
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS CYBER BULLYING . THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS CYBER BULLYING .
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS CYBER BULLYING
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS CYBER BULLYING .
come on people how can some bully you on line. if you dont like what someone says to you . then dont talk to them on line. it all comes down to the lack of any kind of parenting . who cares if some one calls you a name . i was taught when i was young . to not let stupid things bother me. DONT GIVE ME TIMES ARE DIFFERENT NOT. that is BULLSHIT . teach your kid , who cares if some one picks on you or calls you a name. CYBER bullying . ( hahahahahhaah ) a nother name for being a pazny a wimp. . if it bothers you then you have – problems.
Comment by Darin Glanville — April 22, 2011 @ 11:14 am
as much as i value this oppinion in cyber bullying through facebook and such, I as a student feel that it should NOT be blocked because what if one is carrying out a project that involves the social networking in highschool? I am currently writing a paper that is due in two weeks on social networking bans and ironically i have no content on the subject because whatever i need to carry out this topic is blocked. Contrarty to popular belief, not all students have computers at home which makes this paper even harder to write. Another point I would like to make is that if I was in need of contacting another student in the building about homework or something there is NO way for me to do that because cell phones are not allowed, and neither is social networking. Thanks for your time, a student wanting a change.
Comment by Needs this Change — May 6, 2011 @ 9:49 am
This principal is on the short end of the stick. Crudely, he is retarded. Might as well take phones from the students, prohibit them from talking to each other and socializing in general. Let's get some sense in the school system, people.
Comment by Jake — September 1, 2011 @ 3:41 pm