5 Rules Of Facebook Flirting

Ilana Donna Arazie is a vlogger and blogger about love, technology and living your best life. Find her latest adventures at www.downtowndiary.com.

-Love Birds Icon- A girlfriend recently asked me to explain the concept of “poking” on Facebook. I told her that it meant that someone is flirting with her, of course. I mean, isn’t it obvious? Back in second grade, the boys would chase us around the room, grab, hit and poke us until we giggled so hard we had “accidents”. Or was that just me?

Either way, that was considered flirting back then and sadly, Facebook has given men online access to their old ways. However, recently a male of mine friend mentioned that his guy friend pokes him all the time, and that just killed that theory for me. Or did it?

In any case, there sure is a lot of flirting going on in the Facebook sphere. With friends of friends at your fingertips, who wouldn’t want to surf for dates or “open” relationships? According to Internet market research company www.OnePoll.com, “Now social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace have taken over as the dating hot spot with many singletons finding love online.

This new art of seduction could use some fine tuning though. A Facebook Buddy of mine noticed that women apparently like to flirt publicly while men are more private and keep their messages behind inboxes.

Professional matchmaker Samantha Daniels, claims that women have more of a soft-sell approach. “They might send a guy a more innocuous email, opening the communication door. Maybe a note like, ‘I was wondering how we might know each other?’”

Daniels says men are more to the point and might ask a girl out directly. Sounds typical: Men say what they want. Women say something different from what they are thinking and assume you can read their minds. An attractive Harry Houdini could be our dream man.

There are some more effective ways to flirt on Facebook and maybe even land a date or to develop an “It’s Complicated” relationship. Here are some do’s and don’ts of Facebook courting:

1. Find Friends in Your Hood

Search for and join your neighborhood networking group. Once you’re in, you can search through profiles, add people you find attractive and send them a cute note with your introduction request. This could come off a bit creepy, so don’t overdo it with your note. Be short, sweet and genuine and if the person is truly open to finding love through Facebook, you may get a response.

2. Flirt Through a Friend

It might take time, considering it seems like the average person has 500+ friends, but go through your friends’ buddies. If you spot someone you might find interesting, see if your connection will give you the inside scoop on that person and introduce you. The only catch: that person may not be single. But hey, it’s worth a shot. And worst comes to worst, you make a new FB buddy and we can’t get enough of those.

3. Beware of the Fakers

Many unsatisfied partners are seeking thrills by flirting on Facebook. Yes, even housewives have left their iVillage chat rooms to join the Facebook ranks. Daniels tells a story of a guy who played 20 questions with a girl he found on FB. After 20-25 emails back and forth, his last email revealed he was living with a girlfriend. The girl was upset. She wasted her precious time crafting the perfect 2-3 sentence responses to each of the 25 emails! Sounds like a lifetime.

4. Chat it Up

That hardly audible click that comes on every time someone wants to chat with you on Facebook always makes you curious. Who is actually taking the time to chat you up? Use the chat application to start up a conversation with a FB crush. Buddies have asked me about my status update, which is always great opener. I respond just about every time.

5. Keep Poking Away

Not only can you poke some one on FB, but let’s not forget the SuperPoke!. With the application, you can do things like send someone a hug, kiss, spoon a guy or even throw someone a sheep. Sheep throwing was the most popular activity on FB for a while. I guess there is something sexy about sheep? After a few SuperPokes! that involve biting, dropkicking and bra snapping, you might want to get a bit more serious and start emailing.

When I updated my FB status asking friends to send me their thoughts on flirting, one man emailed me the following: “Good question! I’m not sure, but if you wanna meet for a drink sometime then we could discuss it. .”

Welcome to the modern age of courtship. It might not be for every one, but if the social networking age can actually help people connect in person and pop out a few babies, I’m all for it. I’m just waiting for the “Born on Facebook” status. Should be any month now …

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519128 Comments5+Rules+Of+Facebook+Flirting2009-04-14+15%3A11%3A27AllFacebook »

Poking is definitely NOT just for flirting. In fact, I rarely use it to flirt. My friends and I poke one another all the time. It's just a way to say "Hi, I'm thinking of you" in less words.

Comment by Shannon — April 14, 2009 @ 8:39 am
Houdini was an escape artist, not a mind reader. Probably not the analogy you were going for.

Comment by Jen N — April 14, 2009 @ 8:44 am
@Shannon: Sounds flirty to me.

Comment by Jonah Price — April 14, 2009 @ 9:31 am
Wow AllFacebook, are you serious?

First, four out of the five points are WRONG. Encouraging users to go through friend lists? Nudging readers to "poke away"? You are giving some incorrect e-courting advice.

Second, Facebook is NOT match or Craigslist. Especially since we *still* don't have opt-in/outs for A LOT of features. Messaging ring a bell? Then there's unclear/insufficient privacy settings.

I'm sorry (well not really) but encouraging first contact virtually is all sorts of dating NOs.

And I don't know which Harry Houdini you are referencing, but he was a magician/escape artist. NOT a mind reader!

Comment by Mona Nomura — April 14, 2009 @ 9:36 am
Just reply to your friends’ status updates / wall posts and try to interact with the people who are also replying to it.

Easiest and most natural way.

Comment by Facebook User — April 14, 2009 @ 11:30 am
Poking demonstrates a complete lack of imagination and creativity (and possibly literacy). I recommend you ignore all pokes and drop friends after a second poke.

Comment by Michael O'Neill — April 14, 2009 @ 11:31 am
Perhaps I should have been more specific. My family members poke me. My girlfriends (not in the romantic sense) poke me. Friends who have significant others or even spouses poke me. And I poke back. Maybe it's just that way in my circle of friends, but I am 99.9% certain there is no hidden element of flirtation going on there. Just a platonic gesture.

Comment by Shannon — April 14, 2009 @ 1:57 pm
It's interesting that this article appeared today, as I was thinking about this very thing earlier today. Before I left for work this morning, I left a few flirtatious comments on Facebook. Afterwards I was thinking about it and wondering if I now flirt more on Facebook than I do in real life. I've decided it's about even.

In any case, my Facebook flirting doesn't fall into any of these categories, except maybe "Chat it up." I flirt on Facebook just like in real life. In real life, flirting is just a particular type of conversation style for me. On Facebook, that translates to comments on wall posts, photos, etc.

If someone looks good in a photo they just posted, compliment them on it in the comments. If they say something in their status that you can use to let your intentions be known, do it.

As for men being more private about flirtations, I guess I'm atypical, because I'm more than happy to flirt out in the open. Most of my Facebook flirting is exactly that.

Comment by Dan Jones — April 14, 2009 @ 4:50 pm
Zajimalo by me, jestli je i jine vyuziti toho stouchnuti

Comment by Tomáš — April 15, 2009 @ 2:39 am
Way to have a Twitter picture on an article about FACEBOOK dating…

Comment by William — April 15, 2009 @ 6:31 am
Just one question….. if you see a friend in your friend profile list, does that mean they have resently viewed your profile
Thanks
Sandy

Comment by sandy — September 27, 2009 @ 5:05 pm
interesting rules.

Comment by chudai gand lund — October 13, 2009 @ 10:54 am
I never ever use the poke button it is rude to use the poke button when I am offline I will repsond to my friends or I write on their wall

Comment by Sabina Karsan — November 3, 2009 @ 8:07 pm
hi am thomas 28 years old am cool man who like fun,if you wanna know me please you are welcome.thank you all.

Comment by sidime — January 5, 2010 @ 5:21 am
Wow Mona Nomura!

That's an overwhelmingly critical reply.

Yes, obviously facebook is not a dating site.

It's a social site. You know what other places

are social sites. Bars, libraries, markets, churches,

and parties.

And if it's called e-courting, then how else is first

contact supposed to be made besides virtually??

The friends of friends one is worth mentioning. A female

friend of mine had one of her friends tell her that

she was interested in me and women seem all for setting

their friends up. That's perhaps the best method because its

not just a complete stranger. There's a mutual friend who can vouch (hopefully) that you're not a psycho serial killer.

Poking is a stretch… when FB first came to my college, everyone was poking. And it was relatively easy to meet people on FB because it was new and exciting and there was no etiquette yet. However, I'd encourage you to poke away, if they poke back, chances are they're willing to chat. People waste soooo much time on FB, so chatting up a new friend isn't a stretch.

Comment by Chris — January 30, 2010 @ 8:47 am
the whole poking thing can be flirting well at least in my book it just depends who does it if yall r tlkin then yeah it is most likely a flrt or someone trying to build up the nerve to tlk to u

Comment by lindsey — February 22, 2010 @ 12:55 pm
Everyone who has sent me pokes liked me or found me very attractive…ahh and i never poked back until today….because im highly attracted to this person and i have a feeling they like me too….i get butterflies

Comment by njgrl89 — April 19, 2010 @ 4:23 pm
BUT, it's different when it's with your female or gay male friends isn't it? I agree, I poke my female/gay male friends all the time – but I do not poke straight males and I don't like it when straight females poke my boyfriend either (unless they have a close sister like relationship that is).

Comment by Terry — November 26, 2010 @ 9:56 am
I need help I had a crush on this boy at my college and he got a girlfriend and what should I do and what am I going to do

Comment by frankie — April 9, 2011 @ 8:44 pm
I had a crush on this boy at my college and he got a girlfriend and what am I going to do

Comment by frankie — April 9, 2011 @ 8:48 pm
hi to all

Comment by atlantictv1 — April 22, 2011 @ 12:43 pm
You should be sorry, I bet you're an old lady who has 27 cats.

Comment by nameless — April 28, 2011 @ 2:45 pm
what if you just found out your boyfriend that your living wjth is doing this, how shouldI deal with it?

Comment by hert — May 6, 2011 @ 7:12 am
Today you can meet a lot of beautiful women online. All you need is to be original and unique. If you are interested to learn some tips and tricks on how to seduce amazing girls online, you should check out Facebook Sex tips in this amazing guide by clicking here —> http://www.tonysfbseduction.com/

Comment by john — May 22, 2011 @ 11:36 am
You are all retards. Poking is Flirting. If a guy pokes his guy friend it is gay!

Comment by Jay — June 21, 2011 @ 1:34 am
can you poke someone that does not have a facebook account?

Comment by susan — June 21, 2011 @ 9:21 pm
I know a girl who pokes me everytime she wants to sleep with her Ex.
Women.

Comment by MrMe — August 26, 2011 @ 3:48 am
I flirt with my crush all the time on Facebook.

Comment by Elenna — November 10, 2011 @ 5:49 pm

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Poking is definitely NOT just for flirting. In fact, I rarely use it to flirt. My friends and I poke one another all the time. It's just a way to say "Hi, I'm thinking of you" in less words.

Comment by Shannon — April 14, 2009 @ 8:39 am

Houdini was an escape artist, not a mind reader. Probably not the analogy you were going for.

Comment by Jen N — April 14, 2009 @ 8:44 am

@Shannon: Sounds flirty to me.

Comment by Jonah Price — April 14, 2009 @ 9:31 am

Wow AllFacebook, are you serious?

First, four out of the five points are WRONG. Encouraging users to go through friend lists? Nudging readers to "poke away"? You are giving some incorrect e-courting advice.

Second, Facebook is NOT match or Craigslist. Especially since we *still* don't have opt-in/outs for A LOT of features. Messaging ring a bell? Then there's unclear/insufficient privacy settings.

I'm sorry (well not really) but encouraging first contact virtually is all sorts of dating NOs.

And I don't know which Harry Houdini you are referencing, but he was a magician/escape artist. NOT a mind reader!

Comment by Mona Nomura — April 14, 2009 @ 9:36 am

Just reply to your friends’ status updates / wall posts and try to interact with the people who are also replying to it.

Easiest and most natural way.

Comment by Facebook User — April 14, 2009 @ 11:30 am

Poking demonstrates a complete lack of imagination and creativity (and possibly literacy). I recommend you ignore all pokes and drop friends after a second poke.

Comment by Michael O'Neill — April 14, 2009 @ 11:31 am

Perhaps I should have been more specific. My family members poke me. My girlfriends (not in the romantic sense) poke me. Friends who have significant others or even spouses poke me. And I poke back. Maybe it's just that way in my circle of friends, but I am 99.9% certain there is no hidden element of flirtation going on there. Just a platonic gesture.

Comment by Shannon — April 14, 2009 @ 1:57 pm

It's interesting that this article appeared today, as I was thinking about this very thing earlier today. Before I left for work this morning, I left a few flirtatious comments on Facebook. Afterwards I was thinking about it and wondering if I now flirt more on Facebook than I do in real life. I've decided it's about even.

In any case, my Facebook flirting doesn't fall into any of these categories, except maybe "Chat it up." I flirt on Facebook just like in real life. In real life, flirting is just a particular type of conversation style for me. On Facebook, that translates to comments on wall posts, photos, etc.

If someone looks good in a photo they just posted, compliment them on it in the comments. If they say something in their status that you can use to let your intentions be known, do it.

As for men being more private about flirtations, I guess I'm atypical, because I'm more than happy to flirt out in the open. Most of my Facebook flirting is exactly that.

Comment by Dan Jones — April 14, 2009 @ 4:50 pm

Zajimalo by me, jestli je i jine vyuziti toho stouchnuti

Comment by Tomáš — April 15, 2009 @ 2:39 am

Way to have a Twitter picture on an article about FACEBOOK dating…

Comment by William — April 15, 2009 @ 6:31 am

Just one question….. if you see a friend in your friend profile list, does that mean they have resently viewed your profile
Thanks
Sandy

Comment by sandy — September 27, 2009 @ 5:05 pm

interesting rules.

Comment by chudai gand lund — October 13, 2009 @ 10:54 am

I never ever use the poke button it is rude to use the poke button when I am offline I will repsond to my friends or I write on their wall

Comment by Sabina Karsan — November 3, 2009 @ 8:07 pm

hi am thomas 28 years old am cool man who like fun,if you wanna know me please you are welcome.thank you all.

Comment by sidime — January 5, 2010 @ 5:21 am

Wow Mona Nomura!

That's an overwhelmingly critical reply.

Yes, obviously facebook is not a dating site.

It's a social site. You know what other places

are social sites. Bars, libraries, markets, churches,

and parties.

And if it's called e-courting, then how else is first

contact supposed to be made besides virtually??

The friends of friends one is worth mentioning. A female

friend of mine had one of her friends tell her that

she was interested in me and women seem all for setting

their friends up. That's perhaps the best method because its

not just a complete stranger. There's a mutual friend who can vouch (hopefully) that you're not a psycho serial killer.

Poking is a stretch… when FB first came to my college, everyone was poking. And it was relatively easy to meet people on FB because it was new and exciting and there was no etiquette yet. However, I'd encourage you to poke away, if they poke back, chances are they're willing to chat. People waste soooo much time on FB, so chatting up a new friend isn't a stretch.

Comment by Chris — January 30, 2010 @ 8:47 am

the whole poking thing can be flirting well at least in my book it just depends who does it if yall r tlkin then yeah it is most likely a flrt or someone trying to build up the nerve to tlk to u

Comment by lindsey — February 22, 2010 @ 12:55 pm

Everyone who has sent me pokes liked me or found me very attractive…ahh and i never poked back until today….because im highly attracted to this person and i have a feeling they like me too….i get butterflies

Comment by njgrl89 — April 19, 2010 @ 4:23 pm

BUT, it's different when it's with your female or gay male friends isn't it? I agree, I poke my female/gay male friends all the time – but I do not poke straight males and I don't like it when straight females poke my boyfriend either (unless they have a close sister like relationship that is).

Comment by Terry — November 26, 2010 @ 9:56 am

I need help I had a crush on this boy at my college and he got a girlfriend and what should I do and what am I going to do

Comment by frankie — April 9, 2011 @ 8:44 pm

I had a crush on this boy at my college and he got a girlfriend and what am I going to do

Comment by frankie — April 9, 2011 @ 8:48 pm

hi to all

Comment by atlantictv1 — April 22, 2011 @ 12:43 pm

You should be sorry, I bet you're an old lady who has 27 cats.

Comment by nameless — April 28, 2011 @ 2:45 pm

what if you just found out your boyfriend that your living wjth is doing this, how shouldI deal with it?

Comment by hert — May 6, 2011 @ 7:12 am

Today you can meet a lot of beautiful women online. All you need is to be original and unique. If you are interested to learn some tips and tricks on how to seduce amazing girls online, you should check out Facebook Sex tips in this amazing guide by clicking here —> http://www.tonysfbseduction.com/

Comment by john — May 22, 2011 @ 11:36 am

You are all retards. Poking is Flirting. If a guy pokes his guy friend it is gay!