As Facebook becomes a center for our personal communication there is an etiquette that has become standard. Over the past few months I’ve been talking with people about their experience with Facebook and the more people I speak to, the more that I learn there are a number of best practices when using the site. After talking to a lot of people, I’ve noticed that I break the rules daily so hopefully you don’t make the same mistakes I have.
1. Update Your Status About Mundane Activities
It’s seriously great to know that you just pigged out on a half pound filet mignon but unless you are giving context to your experience, your friends probably don’t care. Status updates were not made to let your friends know about the fact that you are standing on an elevator, or even on a boat! If you’re going to take the time to enter your status, at least take the time to be a bit creative with it. While it may be cathartic to let people know about the horrendous service you just got, it really doesn’t provide much value, so just quit it!
2. Keep On Poking Away
What the hell is a poke? I think we all know what it means to poke people. You are trying to flirt but if you keep it up, it shifts from funny to annoying. When was the last time that something positive came out of walking up to someone in a bar and beginning to poke them until they responded? If you can successfully turn a poke into a lasting relationship then you are truly a master of manipulation because most people would find it flat out annoying.
On Facebook, poking wars can be fun at first but there’s an unspoken threshold that can be surpassed. Don’t surpass it if you don’t want to piss off your Facebook friends.
3. Sharing Your Quiz Results
It’s great to know that you are destined to be a “True New Yorker”, but do all of your friends really need to hear about it? There are thousands of entertaining quizzes on Facebook but keep the entertainment to yourself rather than share the insignificant results with your friends. While you may be good in bed, do you really need a quiz to tell you that? Also, do your friends really want to know about the most private details of your life as described through quiz results? Probably not.
4. Invite Your Friends To Some Sort Of Battle
There are tens of thousands of applications on Facebook and while there are plenty of games that are fun to play, not all of your friends are interested in joining you in a battle on Mafia Wars. Yeah, all those invites will quickly result in your friends removing you from their Facebook contacts. Don’t believe me? Keep on sending those Farm Town invites to all your friends and see what happens. Seriously, when you’re clicking on all your friends to invite them to the next game you are playing because you think it will boost your score. The only thing you’re going to end up accomplishing is annoying the hell out of your friends.
5. Reply To Broadcast Messages
You’ve seen it before: one of your friends sends out a broadcast message to update their friends about an event and then suddenly a threaded conversation erupts. We know that you’ve probably been too busy to catch up with many of your friends recently but don’t take mass messages as the opportunity to reconnect. You’re flooding everybody’s inbox with information that isn’t relevant to them and it’s flat out annoying!
6. Tag Your Friends In Unattractive Photos
Not everybody can look attractive from every angle but that doesn’t mean you should take this opportunity to highlight the angle that doesn’t work. Even worse is that you continue to tag everybody else that’s in the unattractive photo so that it can be circulated among all our friends. If you want to quickly damage your relationship, go find the most unattractive photo of your friend and tag them in it. Don’t be surprised when you end up unfriended for doing it!
7. Friend People Who Hated You In High School
While this one isn’t going to damage your existing relationships, it’s just bad form. Remember those people that you hated back in high school? They were part of the inspiration behind becoming successful yet for some reason they now want to reconnect years later. Personally, I don’t really mind since I don’t have any unforgivable experiences but most people are not going to friend you after you put them through years of torture. If you were a jerk, don’t expect to become mister (or miss) popular now that we’ve all grown up.
Are there any other Facebook etiquette tips that we’ve missed here?
Update
There have been angry readers in the comments and I think some people have misunderstood the purpose of this article. This article is partially my opinion and it is also intended for entertainment. Ultimately it’s up for you to decided where social boundaries exist in the digital world!
Yes! When someone posts a status update and a heated discussion erupts, don’t go too far and insult a friend’s friend(s)!
Also, adding a friends’ friends for no reason. It’s just creepy.
Wow this is actually a terrible list. Of all those, maybe 2-3 items I agree with. Since when do pokes piss off friends? People this day still talk about poke wars that have been going on for 2 years.
I second that about adding a friend’s friends. I truly don’t understand what is going on there.
So, basically, don’t use Facebook at all to avoid pissing off your friends.
Friending someone you have absolutely NO connection with…not a friend’s friend, possible business connection, nothing..and not even leave a message as to why you should connect. That’s weird.
Yes, having intimate discussions with your significant other via the wall. Um, I think that’s why the Message feature exists, and no one else finds your nicknames charming.
Adding your children’s friends. Adding your own child is one thing, a muck murky waters to be traversed at your own cost, with your own child, but don’t be adding your child’s friends because you’ve met them maybe once.
NO.
Author should proofread. There are several typos in this blog post. Just in item #1, I found three:
1) I think the author meant to write “it really does NOT provide much value” in last sentence of #1. It currently reads “…it really does provide much value, so just quit it!”
2) Author wrote “let your friends no” instead of “know”.
3) Author wrote “and elevator” instead of “an elevator”.
Re: #1
I actually enjoy reading those. Everyone tries to be witty with their status updates now that seeing “just ate a burger” is a good mix.
I’d say mix it up with the mundane and the witty/interesting. Why not? It’s supposed to be about who you are.
This is a really poor list. The point of a status message is sharing what your doing. Hence the title it give you. Quiz result are great. I lear more about my friends. And the App invites. How the hell do you think people start playing them. You have to invite people to them. Think about it.
Here is another facebook tip that Nick forgot..
8. Spelling should be checked before listing FB best practices.
If I’m not supposed to post status messages about what I’m doing, what AM I supposed to post them about?
Don’t forget that Facebook isn’t: a) Twitter (ie crammed full of celebs trying to boost their popularity by being “open” and “sharing” their secret personal lives, when really they’re just posting inane and mindless blabber, self promotional drivel and invites to follow all their friends), or b) business users only, who have plenty to share in terms of vouchers, discounts, special offers and product news.
As a social user I have very little of real concrete value to share with my friends, except the ins and outs of everyday life. And you’re saying I shouldn’t do that?
What were status updates made for then?
I agree with the whole picture posting BS…before you post a pic of someone you should have to obtain permission.
AND if you’re going to tag someone in an incredibly disgusting photo, I’m happy there’s an UNTAG feature.
Infact, I inform anyone taking a picture of me that they DO NOT have my permission to post it anywhere and if they do, friend or not I’ll sue them.
I mean it…
Nick, what kind of friends do you have? Do they really drop you if you use the facebook features? What’s the point in even logging on then? Unless your just a post troll, cruising peoples posts and picking them apart. I would drop you from my friends list just for being such an insecure, negative, pansy boy. I’m guessing your also on the board of your local HOA.
yeah, the author is defeating the purpose of Facebook…kind of like buyin a child a new toy and not letting them play with it!
I like it the way it is…it’s fun. So, I guess if it ticks off my “friends” then they will drop me. That’s life. But I agree about not tagging people in unflattering photos. That’s just a kindness issue. I find it easy enough to ignore Mafia Wars and Farms if i don’t participate. My desire is to be able to read these and then mark as read and remove them without having to hide and never get any more Allbacebook.com postings. They are interesting, but they take up a lot of space on my home page.
Dude…you are too easily annoyed. I suggest you disconnect yourself from facebook and never look back.
Wow, sucks that you dont have the freewill to delete such friends.
Sucks to be you eh.
I sometimes ask to friend my friends’ friends - it depends on if I find their comments interesting, or perhaps I find we have common interests or points of view.
I never poke. I also don’t thrown flounder at people. It’s not that I don’t have a sense of humor - but I have like 100 friends and just keeping up with what they are up to and commenting on that takes all the time I have (it’s like Facebook Ate My Life).
However, the status updates - I have no problem with them - more problem with people who never post any, as i have my left nav bar set to Status Updates (I pulled it to the top, cuase you can). I miss pix and links but also quizzes and shamrock announcements.
If, like Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory, you announce your every bodily function, now that would be annoying.
The beauty of Facebook’s newsfeed is that you can quickly skim through it and pay more attention to what you find interesting and let the uninteresting stuff slide away like water off a duck’s back. Who’s to say what you find boring isn’t interesting to a few of your friend’s other 200 friends? I think “Walker, Texas Ranger” is a boring piece of crap, but if someone writes about it in their status update it’s no skin off my back. No need to be such a prude with all the “rules”.
I think the thing that has killed facebook the most for me is my mom joining. Now I can’t post the good stuff people want to know. Plus, how embarassing to get ’scolded’ on fb when your 38! I have since used Twitter more and have not told my family my user name. LOL
8.Tag friends in absurd and chain letter notes
Someone posted your article in Facebook. Here is my comment about it:
“The author needs to lighten up a bit. If he’s complaining about all of those things, then Facebook is not really for him. Those activities he listed are so common at this social networking site.
Sure, there things people do on Facebook I find annoying, like political ranting. But they are my friends and I will show some tolerance.
If it gets annoying enough, I can just Hide them from the News Feed, or in worst case de-Friend them.”
What about deleting a post ? You make an innocent post and you get a civil reply and then the person who is replying deletes the post. What’s that about ? any suggestions ??
“there is an etiquette that has become standard”
I don’t think so, Nick. There isn’t a single community, with a single set of norms and best practices. Facebook is multicultural; I can see this even within my own small (~60) group of friends. This means that people will be irritated by different things, and misunderstandings occur no matter how hard we try to avoid them.
I’d add “unfriend people and complain, instead of blocking the applications that annoy you.”
I’ve learned about some new and cool foods because people posted such tidbits to FaceBook and FriendFeed. T hope everyone who sees this decides for himself or he self how he/she wants to use FaceBook.
heh, this is a great list and these issues are why I barely use facebook like I used too.
oh, and obviously lamebook.com is awesome.
The social network police working overtime. If you don’t like someone’s activities on Facebook, remove them from your friend list, and STOP whining & dripping about it.
1. Twitter updates that post to Facebook that contain all sorts of RT’s, @replies and #hashtags. First it’s annoying Twitter speak that belongs on twitter. Second it often involves discussions they’re having with someone on Twitter that makes no sense on FB. And third, none of those features work on FB (can’t search on the hashtag, the @reply is to someone not on FB so you can’t see their profile.)
2. People from your past that send you a friend request, you accept and then they never contact you again to say whey they wanted to get back in touch.
3. And on that note, is it so hard to include a message with your friend request? Especially if I don’t know you?
I AGREE- ESPECIALLY THE QUIZ RESULTS. WHO CARES?
I don’t think this list should be a mandate, and I don’t think you are saying it is - just suggestions. And I will say these things do annoy me, so you are right on the money for at least one FB user, and many others I’m sure, so high-five to you.
Here’s the thing: I think when FB was less-widely adopted it attracted just the kind of uber-social people who want to be in constant contact with people. Telling them every tiny facet of their lives, engaging them in games and such. And they all loved it. Now FB is becoming kind of ubiquitous and us less-socially inclined people are coming on board. We just want to use it as a way to hit the high points of our friends’ and families’ lives, not the minutia. I think it will work for everyone if friends and family are understanding of the fact that you might not ever post your status, or accept that game challenge, or comment on their every post. If they are YOUR friends and family let’s hope they know you well enough to know it’s not your thing.
I agree with Diablo 100%. Especially #2- when someone requests me as a friend but once accepted never ever even writes “hello.”
I disagree with most of the list. I find status updates, sharing quiz results, and all the other info that is shared to be what draws me to facebook, regardless of what is written. This serves as a means of staying in touch & a fun form of social interaction. I have also found replies to broadcast messages to be my favorite inbox messages even if if I take no part in the conversation.
Right on the money.
My worst is the replying to broadcast messages.
Wendi: you can’t sue someone for posting a photo of you. That’s too funny. When you normally say to people “I’ll sue you if you do this or that”, do you find that lends some authority to your personal needs?
As for this article, I approve in its general sentiment but yes the grammar and spelling of the article itself are atrocious.
Ha ha- I love the list. I totally agree- and they are the things which everyone, myself included, always does. Though I think if these things did truly “Piss off your friends”, and weren’t actually just mildly annoying, maybe you need new friends who aren’t so pissy.
I agree, in part, with each of these items.
One interesting experience I had regarding not tagging unattractive photos of friends.
I tag all my photos, but I usually don’t post photos that are very unflattering. One time, however, I posted a photo of a friend from a party where she had a somewhat bewildered look on her face. The picture was not, in my opinion, particularly unattractive, but she de-tagged it (which doesn’t bother me any), and then sent me a message (somewhat angry) about how she doesn’t appreciate being tagged in photos that are not cute. Personally, I thought she looked fine in the photos I posted. She’s actually very attractive and quite photogenic, these pics being no exception. However, she was of an entirely different opinion, and not pleased that I didn’t see it her way.
Anyway, I don’t know how that fits your theory, but interesting to note anyhow.
Wow, people will always find something to whine about. This article is so lame, facebook is facebook, if you can’t handle the wide variety of behaviors people have, unplug your damned computer and bitch at the television. And for you people who think friending a friends’ friend is some sort of social taboo, do you also ignore your friends’ friend at social gatherings? That’s how you meet people dummy!
proba?
I don’t think any of this is standard and totally depends on who you’ve networked with and why.
I appreciate this list.
I hate quizzes, so I am glad you said that. The reason I hate them is that they are like newspaper horoscopes — they offer no real information about my friend, and they waste my time.
The value of FaceBook for me, is as a unified channel of micro-connections between people I care about. So, quizzes are just the ultimate time waster to me. They pretend to say something without saying it.
Appreciate the comments as much as the piece. What’s wrong with applying behavioral guidelines, aka etiquette, to social media? It’s like an owner’s manual; you don’t have to use it but it does come in handy when needed. Besides, it’s nice to understand the expectations and avoid being flamed for a faux pas.
I try and update my status when i.m doing somethink interesting or funny. I send out message’s to watch my new youtube video’s on my channels IDMproductionsteam and burtbow. I never invite people to play mafia wars because i do the real thing. Ask my school mates welcome to my little friend A REMEMBER ME. (added by Mobile using Mippin)
I agree with all of these. However, I think it depends on your age. As FB users in their 30s, my friends and I generally don’t like pokes, quizzes, mafia wars — although there are few that do and drive the rest of us crazy!!
Francis Pelland - July 24th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Wow this is actually a terrible list. Of all those, maybe 2-3 items I agree with. Since when do pokes piss off friends? People this day still talk about poke wars that have been going on for 2 years.
——————————————————–
They do? Really? That’s sad man…
I mainly go on Facebook to see what people are up to and make funny comments. Sure quizzes are stupid, but it’s something to joke on. Same with mundane status messages. Not everyone is Robin Williams. It’s not like there is really important stuff going on on Facebook - it’s all useless fun. At least in my circle.
I wrote this about my experiences here:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2012102/facebook_primer.html?cat=47
If this is an etiquette violation, I apologize and feel free to delete my post. But I think some may get a laugh.
In life, we all have the option of NOT associating with annoying people. Facebook is the same. Ignore or de-friend the annoying folks - it’s as simple as that. If you’re the one being annoying, be prepared to be ignored or de-friended. It’s no different than real life - annoying people eventually end up with less friends.
One thing you forgot to mention. When someone writes on your wall DO NOT reply by using the comment tab!!! Instead use the See Wall-to-Wall tab. This way your response is posted to the other person’s wall where they will see it the next time they log in. Not when the decide to visit your wall again which may be days or weeks later!
A BIG one - adding/linking photos of OTHER people’s INFANTS & CHILDREN including their full names (or any other info really…)….People with kids don’t often make this mistake…it’s creepy - get your own kids!!!!
I concur on a lot of your ideas here buddy. Please read my blog- similar subject matter, however, I appreciate your sarcasm here http://tinyurl.com/yfoz2ea
If someone sends you a friend request, and you accept, it is polite to respond to at least one or two personal messages. It is rude to become a “friend” and then not reply at all.
If you don’t want to accept a friend request, I think it is polite to message back and just say “hi, great to see you” and leave it at that.
Sarcasm does not translate well, nor does cursing - and really I think it is better to refrain from complaining or bragging incessantly.
Just my thoughts to add on:)
*Dark piano music*
Your well-meant status update can be the camel that breaks the straw’s back. Your friend might already feel left out of everything, so lonely that she has started to hallucinate friends in the same way that starving people hallucinate food. She gets on Facebook hoping for that long-awaited red Notification flag that actually has something to do with HER, and not somebody else’s comment on a distant, overly-popular friend’s engagement announcement. She finds 4 Notifications…all spam from a “what disney princess are UUUUUUU” quiz that she doesn’t even remember taking. Then she looks at the Live Feed and finds it glutted with status updates like this:
“PARTAAAAAY! I’m going to the biggest party of the century tonight! Everyone’s gonna be there! All my friends are gonna be there! YAAAAY PARTAAAAAAY!!!! PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY”
“I had a fabulous birthday/wedding/babyshower/funeral/whatever. Thanks to all who showed up!”
*case study person appears on the screen*
I can’t tell you how many times I have read a well-meant status update like that, and then gone to bed wondering what I did so wrong, what’s wrong with my voice, how ugly is my nose, that I am repeatedly left off the guest list. Seriously. All I read in your status updates is your evil voice cackling, “I had a party for everyone I loved and of course I didn’t invite you.”
*screen fades to black and white letters appear:*
Friends, be sensitive to your bottom-of-the-barrel connections. They are not much to look at, but they are people, too.
This has been a public service announcement from _______.
You forgot the FB Fisher. You know, the ones that go “I can’t believe the news I just got!” and friends go out of their way to be supportive or ask what’s up only to be left hanging with no response whatsoever or the lovely “oh, nothing, I was just upset” etc. UGH!
Facebook is so passe, it’s just an overrated way of keeping a phone book, much easier to phone your friends, use your iphone etc, txt message.
Thing you will notice as well, the people with hundreds/thousands of friends on Facebook tend to be unpopular in the real world, hence the desire to add as many virtual friends as possible!
“This article is partially my opinion and it is also intended for entertainment.”
You were doing fine until you posted the above line o’ crap. But of course it’s *your* opinion, what bloody else could it be? It’s a waste of time for you to explain that much! And saying that it’s “intended for entertainment” is just lame. Just because people disagree with you does not mean you have to back-pedal and imply you weren’t being serious about what you said. Of course you were! If you have said something have the balls to stand by it and not fold like a cheap tent when people disagree!
Having said that … I think it is pretty hard to come up with status updates that will satisfy most critics these days. If it’s not too mundane, it will be too cryptic, if not too cryptic it will be too attention-seeking … and so on. Thus far, I’ve not read a single critique of status-updates that constructively tells FB users how to produce a quality update. Perhaps the status update feature truly has no redeeming value eh?
Adding friends of friends is called networking on a social networking site, geeeeeeze! What is wrong with that? Angry, paranoid & hatefull people that don’t want to share, shouldn’t be on facebook.