13 Comments »Ilana Donna Arazie is a vlogger and blogger about love, technology and living your best life. Find her latest adventures at www.downtowndiary.com.
A girlfriend recently asked me to explain the concept of “poking” on Facebook. I told her that it meant that someone is flirting with her, of course. I mean, isn’t it obvious? Back in second grade, the boys would chase us around the room, grab, hit and poke us until we giggled so hard we had “accidents”. Or was that just me?
Either way, that was considered flirting back then and sadly, Facebook has given men online access to their old ways. However, recently a male of mine friend mentioned that his guy friend pokes him all the time, and that just killed that theory for me. Or did it?
In any case, there sure is a lot of flirting going on in the Facebook sphere. With friends of friends at your fingertips, who wouldn’t want to surf for dates or “open” relationships? According to Internet market research company www.OnePoll.com, “Now social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace have taken over as the dating hot spot with many singletons finding love online.
This new art of seduction could use some fine tuning though. A Facebook Buddy of mine noticed that women apparently like to flirt publicly while men are more private and keep their messages behind inboxes.
Professional matchmaker Samantha Daniels, claims that women have more of a soft-sell approach. “They might send a guy a more innocuous email, opening the communication door. Maybe a note like, ‘I was wondering how we might know each other?’”
Daniels says men are more to the point and might ask a girl out directly. Sounds typical: Men say what they want. Women say something different from what they are thinking and assume you can read their minds. An attractive Harry Houdini could be our dream man.
There are some more effective ways to flirt on Facebook and maybe even land a date or to develop an “It’s Complicated” relationship. Here are some do’s and don’ts of Facebook courting:
1. Find Friends in Your Hood
Search for and join your neighborhood networking group. Once you’re in, you can search through profiles, add people you find attractive and send them a cute note with your introduction request. This could come off a bit creepy, so don’t overdo it with your note. Be short, sweet and genuine and if the person is truly open to finding love through Facebook, you may get a response.
2. Flirt Through a Friend
It might take time, considering it seems like the average person has 500+ friends, but go through your friends’ buddies. If you spot someone you might find interesting, see if your connection will give you the inside scoop on that person and introduce you. The only catch: that person may not be single. But hey, it’s worth a shot. And worst comes to worst, you make a new FB buddy and we can’t get enough of those.
3. Beware of the Fakers
Many unsatisfied partners are seeking thrills by flirting on Facebook. Yes, even housewives have left their iVillage chat rooms to join the Facebook ranks. Daniels tells a story of a guy who played 20 questions with a girl he found on FB. After 20-25 emails back and forth, his last email revealed he was living with a girlfriend. The girl was upset. She wasted her precious time crafting the perfect 2-3 sentence responses to each of the 25 emails! Sounds like a lifetime.
4. Chat it Up
That hardly audible click that comes on every time someone wants to chat with you on Facebook always makes you curious. Who is actually taking the time to chat you up? Use the chat application to start up a conversation with a FB crush. Buddies have asked me about my status update, which is always great opener. I respond just about every time.
5. Keep Poking Away
Not only can you poke some one on FB, but let’s not forget the SuperPoke!. With the application, you can do things like send someone a hug, kiss, spoon a guy or even throw someone a sheep. Sheep throwing was the most popular activity on FB for a while. I guess there is something sexy about sheep? After a few SuperPokes! that involve biting, dropkicking and bra snapping, you might want to get a bit more serious and start emailing.
When I updated my FB status asking friends to send me their thoughts on flirting, one man emailed me the following: “Good question! I’m not sure, but if you wanna meet for a drink sometime then we could discuss it. ;).”
Welcome to the modern age of courtship. It might not be for every one, but if the social networking age can actually help people connect in person and pop out a few babies, I’m all for it. I’m just waiting for the “Born on Facebook” status. Should be any month now …
Just reply to your friends’ status updates / wall posts and try to interact with the people who are also replying to it.
Easiest and most natural way.
Poking demonstrates a complete lack of imagination and creativity (and possibly literacy). I recommend you ignore all pokes and drop friends after a second poke.
Poking is definitely NOT just for flirting. In fact, I rarely use it to flirt. My friends and I poke one another all the time. It’s just a way to say “Hi, I’m thinking of you” in less words.
Houdini was an escape artist, not a mind reader. Probably not the analogy you were going for.
@Shannon: Sounds flirty to me.
Wow AllFacebook, are you serious?
First, four out of the five points are WRONG. Encouraging users to go through friend lists? Nudging readers to “poke away”? You are giving some incorrect e-courting advice.
Second, Facebook is NOT match or Craigslist. Especially since we *still* don’t have opt-in/outs for A LOT of features. Messaging ring a bell? Then there’s unclear/insufficient privacy settings.
I’m sorry (well not really) but encouraging first contact virtually is all sorts of dating NOs.
And I don’t know which Harry Houdini you are referencing, but he was a magician/escape artist. NOT a mind reader!
Perhaps I should have been more specific. My family members poke me. My girlfriends (not in the romantic sense) poke me. Friends who have significant others or even spouses poke me. And I poke back. Maybe it’s just that way in my circle of friends, but I am 99.9% certain there is no hidden element of flirtation going on there. Just a platonic gesture.
It’s interesting that this article appeared today, as I was thinking about this very thing earlier today. Before I left for work this morning, I left a few flirtatious comments on Facebook. Afterwards I was thinking about it and wondering if I now flirt more on Facebook than I do in real life. I’ve decided it’s about even.
In any case, my Facebook flirting doesn’t fall into any of these categories, except maybe “Chat it up.” I flirt on Facebook just like in real life. In real life, flirting is just a particular type of conversation style for me. On Facebook, that translates to comments on wall posts, photos, etc.
If someone looks good in a photo they just posted, compliment them on it in the comments. If they say something in their status that you can use to let your intentions be known, do it.
As for men being more private about flirtations, I guess I’m atypical, because I’m more than happy to flirt out in the open. Most of my Facebook flirting is exactly that.
Zajimalo by me, jestli je i jine vyuziti toho stouchnuti
Way to have a Twitter picture on an article about FACEBOOK dating…
Just one question….. if you see a friend in your friend profile list, does that mean they have resently viewed your profile
Thanks
Sandy
interesting rules.
I never ever use the poke button it is rude to use the poke button when I am offline I will repsond to my friends or I write on their wall