The Accidental “f*** you!” Phenomenon
Posted by Jonathan Kleiman on February 12th, 2008 1:31 PMI noticed something about social networking recently and I wanted to see if other people have encountered the same phenomenon. I often feel snubbed by people who I message on networking sites if I watch them using the site a lot before bothering to return my message.
Let’s say I message someone with something important. If I e-mail them, 3 days to respond only makes me think they’re super busy. If I send them a message on Facebook, and I see no response for a number of days, and they’ve been writing on people’s walls etc, I can’t help but feel ignored.
Maybe that’s because I’m quick to respond to my messages. Maybe people log in to Facebook, see a new message, and say “ok, I’ll respond to that in three days,” and proceed to use the site. Maybe that’s not supposed to be projected as an insult. To me it’s like watching somebody respond to all of their emails except for yours and then go to sleep.
Has anybody else experienced this? Do people expect quicker response times from you via social networking, and do you expect the same from other people? Or, does it bother you when somebody doesn’t reply but is clearly using the site and ignoring your message for the time being?
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February 12th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
That happens on IM, too, and I think it's even worse then. Say a lot of people are online, and the person you IM is clearly not idle or away, and they don't respond for a while…
February 12th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
terrible. Sometimes I get back to my computer and see on my msn:
“hello?”
“HEY”
“WHERE ARE YOU”
“FINE IGNORE ME”
“I HATE YOU”
“ARGGGG”
February 12th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
That happens on IM, too, and I think it’s even worse then. Say a lot of people are online, and the person you IM is clearly not idle or away, and they don’t respond for a while…
February 12th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
terrible. Sometimes I get back to my computer and see on my msn:
“hello?”
“HEY”
“WHERE ARE YOU”
“FINE IGNORE ME”
“I HATE YOU”
“ARGGGG”
February 12th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Definitely had the experience. Sometimes I mark a message for reply in my mind because I want to write a good response, but then I forget to go back to it.
February 12th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
I do. Its called priority management. Maybe your message just isn't important enough to warrant an immediate response!
February 12th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Definitely had the experience. Sometimes I mark a message for reply in my mind because I want to write a good response, but then I forget to go back to it.
February 12th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
I do. Its called priority management. Maybe your message just isn’t important enough to warrant an immediate response!
February 12th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
i have friends that feel snubbed when someone doesn't add them on facebook even though they are sure those friends know of their facebook presence.
in fact, one of her friends tagged her bf in his bday party album without bothering to add them as a friend.
i guess that's another sort of “accidental f*** you!”
February 12th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
i have friends that feel snubbed when someone doesn’t add them on facebook even though they are sure those friends know of their facebook presence.
in fact, one of her friends tagged her bf in his bday party album without bothering to add them as a friend.
i guess that’s another sort of “accidental f*** you!”
February 12th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Well, what happens in the Inbox stays in the Inbox ~ I think some folks need more time to reply to messages as opposed to other stuff like wall scrawling and status updates. Maybe I'm a hardened soul. If they really wanna reply to you, they will.
February 12th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Well, what happens in the Inbox stays in the Inbox ~ I think some folks need more time to reply to messages as opposed to other stuff like wall scrawling and status updates. Maybe I’m a hardened soul. If they really wanna reply to you, they will.
February 13th, 2008 at 5:32 am
Hem, isn't it the “social dependence issue” ? Immediacy of response is not a sign of interest for you or the subject at any time… And not responding in the second is not necessarily a way people communicate (thanks to those marvellous tools like email, FB, post mail, fax… to let us think of what to answer).
And you are not alone to question yourself… http://www.web-strategist.com/blog/2007/11/30/a...
February 13th, 2008 at 6:32 am
Hem, isn’t it the “social dependence issue” ? Immediacy of response is not a sign of interest for you or the subject at any time… And not responding in the second is not necessarily a way people communicate (thanks to those marvellous tools like email, FB, post mail, fax… to let us think of what to answer).
And you are not alone to question yourself… http://www.web-strategist.com/blog/2007/11/30/are-we-moving-too-fast/
February 13th, 2008 at 9:27 am
Yea I wasn't saying I was actually being snubbed… just that I can't help but feel like it. It's the “accidental f*** you”, after all
February 13th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Yea I wasn’t saying I was actually being snubbed… just that I can’t help but feel like it. It’s the “accidental f*** you”, after all
February 14th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Ohh I totally agree! I want Facebook to implement a flag that says that the person has read the message. They know when someone loaded the message so they should tell me. Just like my blackberry - I PIN someone and instantly I know that the message has arrived on their device.
Not responding to a message in your inbox is akin to walking away while someone is talking to you. Seriously this is a new world - get with the program and shoot back a quick reply - even if it says - really busy - will try and get back. I can cut some slack if the person you are sending a message to does not know you - or they are known to be busy - like sending Robert Scoble a message - I can let that slide.
Cheers - Eric
http://www.pickuppal.com
February 15th, 2008 at 12:59 am
Ohh I totally agree! I want Facebook to implement a flag that says that the person has read the message. They know when someone loaded the message so they should tell me. Just like my blackberry - I PIN someone and instantly I know that the message has arrived on their device.
Not responding to a message in your inbox is akin to walking away while someone is talking to you. Seriously this is a new world - get with the program and shoot back a quick reply - even if it says - really busy - will try and get back. I can cut some slack if the person you are sending a message to does not know you - or they are known to be busy - like sending Robert Scoble a message - I can let that slide.
Cheers - Eric
http://www.pickuppal.com
March 4th, 2008 at 4:33 am
oh yes totally…. even though i know I am also just often not in the mood to reply to a message and might procrastinate on it for a while for no apparent reason I can get very irritated when I see other doing this…
March 4th, 2008 at 5:33 am
oh yes totally…. even though i know I am also just often not in the mood to reply to a message and might procrastinate on it for a while for no apparent reason I can get very irritated when I see other doing this…
July 9th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Yes, it annoys me, it is just damn rude.
July 9th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Yes, it annoys me, it is just damn rude.